This is my day to trick or treat
Walking up and down the streets, looking for something sweet
But when you try to give me apples or a candy that's lean
I'll take your first born cuz this is my Halloween

The year is 97 and I'm dressing like goblin
with my prosthetics nose I'm sniffing for something chocolate
Take a left turn at the end of the street
all houses go dark, bet they got someone to eat
Creep up on the house and I knock on the door
"I'll be there in a second!"says that Stepford whore
A couple locks later then I'm face to face
with a tiny little batman and a mom wearing lace
"Isn't he adorable!" she says with smile
reaching to her left calmly for that candy pile
a couple Butterfingers but mostly Almond Joy
I smack it outta her hand saying "I'll take the little boy"
She's raises up an eye brow, doesn't know I'm a fiend
but I do what I wanna do cuz this is my Halloween

This is my day to trick or treat
Walking up and down the streets, looking for something sweet
But when you try to give me apples or a candy that's lean
I'll take your first born cuz this is my Halloween

Picking out my teeth with the bones of the boy
I continue down the street past a couple Rob Roys
Three ghosts later and a pirate king
and a group of wrestlers, though I only knew Sting
To the next house I go with the bag in my hand
half filled with Reese Pieces, half part of a man
Blood dripping out as I walk up the stairs
I am greeted by a bucket full of candied pears
Angry as all hell, I wrap on the door
ready to drop this motherfucker right down the floor

1 knock 2 knock 3 knock 4
Anyone home cuz I need to know
If this is your idea of a candy treat
I'm gonna gobble up your kids cuz I need something to eat

This is my day to trick or treat
Walking up and down the streets, looking for something sweet
But when you try to give me apples or a candy that's lean
I'll take your first born cuz this is my Halloween

The night is almost over, I've been getting my fix
all shorter than 4' 10" weight 96
Collecting all the femurs and a couple of heads
send the bones to trolls so they can make my bread
My final destination is the last house on the left
in between Freddy Kruger and that clown with the clef
I should feel bad with all I've done and seen
but I think "yeah nah fuck it" this was my Halloween

(skit)

Knock knock, trick or treat
give me all your kids to eat
if you don't, I don't care
I still gave this world one hell of a scare

This is my day to trick or treat
Walking up and down the streets, looking for something sweet
But when you try to give me apples or a candy that's lean
I'll take your first born cuz this is my Halloween